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heavy thoughts

Yep, all it took was a little bit of resting. It’s been 11 days since I started getting sick and today I woke up with all my symptoms cleared up.  I just had to STOP and just give it a rest for a little while, but am still so sad about not making the World Championship team. 

 I guess it was crazy to think that I could be gone for half a decade fighting this terrible disease, get healthy, train for a few months and win it all…but that’s where my mind is at.  There is no shaking my mindset these days…so I guess I am crazy.  Not so much crazy, just confident in who I am and what I have.  So as my friend, Kenta Bell said, “you just keep chopping wood and that tree is going to fall eventually.”

 Today I’ve been finalizing the last section in my book.  It was honestly very difficult to write (no ghost writer),  my words and thoughts only.  The worst part of writing the book was that I have to relive things I just don’t want to remember anymore, certain sections just can’t be ready without tearing up. Trying to train and race and write this book has been hell.  My mind is now on moving forward and the book just keeps bringing me back to that dark place, but having the words on paper has been a release and I guess the best part if that I know this book is going to help a lot of people suffering from autoimmune disease.  I hope it entertains the possibility of a full recovery, even those who feel like there is no hope. 

I hate it when I hear people say I recovered fully because I am an athlete. When people read how sick I really was hopefully they will understand that my drive and intention to get healthy at all costs was what got me healthy.  Being an athlete had very little to do with it, if anything, just helped me with the dedication of getting fully healthy..as it takes great dedication to keep going in sports after you get your ass kicked and still think you’re good enough for World Records.

Getting ready to go back to Colorado Springs now for more training …..and chopping wood.

I’ll be speaking at the L.I.A Conference in April about my protcol to beat Lyme Disease.

I Speak At The L.I.A Conference April 15th

I Speak At The L.I.A Conference April 15th

Papa’s gotta brand new bag!

I’m back from New Mexico now. My fever is coming and going, but I’m still not sure exactly what kind of bug I have.  I spoke to Coach Brooks after the meet and have decided to stop training for 7-10 days and just give myself a rest.  I just pushed, pushed, pushed during Indoors to try to get in shape fast and I think it’s time to just back off and recover a bit.  I still can’t believe 1) how far I’ve come so fast and 2) how completely untimely getting stick was.

Once I recover a bit emotionally (from losing) and physically, I’m going to formulate a plan for Outdoors. I’m interested in getting ready for the 800m, but the 1600m as well.  I’ll also be racing the 400m as much as possible as I think this might be a new event for me to seriously consider.

So I will return to altitude because I believe Colorado Springs has been a very good place for me, but I will also have to consider a place that is at much lower elevation (to focus on speed endurance/speed training).

Everyone seems to be very suprised by my comeback and thrilled to see it. I’m happy about it also and can’t deny how far I’ve come since being diseased and to have just started training  just this past Winter, but I just hate to lose. So right now it’s hard to be happy about it, even though I’m VERY thankful for figuring out how to recover from my illness and do have a new lease of life….”Papa’s gotta brand new bag!” 

Thanks to Coach Cianelli at VT for allowing me to race a bunch during Indoors. It was instrumental in helping me gain my confidence back and getting me used to being on the track again.

USA Track and Field Championships With A Virus

I knew it was coming. Last Sunday I ran a nice 400m (broke 54-good for Feb) and had just raced on Saturday (the 800m). On Monday I woke up feeling like death so I spent all week  NOT RUNNING and working on getting rid of whatever I had picked up.  I pushed myself beyond what I was capable of for the time constraints I’ve had during indoor.  So naturally I fell ill. I thought I was slowly getting better and I still made my way to the USA Track and Field Indoor Championships in New Mexico.  I totally bombed in the 800m and what is worse is that the heats were so slow (maybe because it’s 5,000 feet here) that all I had to do was run a bit faster to qualify for the final.   What a bummer.  Honestly, I feel like crawling into a hole right now.

I’m totally bummed about this. Had I been able to keep myself healthy, which is hard when you have to keep pushing in training to get in shape fast, I would of turned it out…but  I bombed. What else can I say and right now no amount of cold medicine is going to help. I’m just going to have to lay off for a little while.

The good news is that I’ve never run 53.89 for a 400 during the indoor season. I haven’t raced an indoor season since 2001.  I haven’t been able to train like the way I have EVER. SO there is plenty of good news and good things to look forward too….but it still doesn’t  take the sting out of today.

focused on the specifics

I’ve gotten several races under my belt so far this season. It’s bizarre not running or racing for years and then coming back like nothing has happened.

In fact, I don’t even think the people watching me race even know that I was on my deathbed.  Racing has been fun. I cannot even explain the joy of being back.  I had a coach tell me I had “already won” and I laughed because even though I have, I told him the WR was for me. It’s a personal thing.

But right now my cardio is at 1:55 (no joke, it’s scary good) and my legs are at a 2:09…which means I’m focused now on getting my speed together so that I can make it happen at US Indoors at the end of this month.  My legs are honestly the only thing I can tell that is keeping me back and even so it’s still so early to be complaining. I can only progress as fast as my body allows (and since it’s been 5 years I have no idea how quickly that will be), so I do the work and I hope for the best.  But when I pray, it’s only to stay healthy. It’s not about winning because me being healthy will ultimately be winning.

The focus now is #1 staying healthy. #2 getting my legs back so that I can “switch gears” in races (which I used to be good at). #3 enjoying being back in it…even if that means getting my ass kicked at first.

I’m just very thankful. I feel like I’m winning the lotto… like everyday!

Damn, I’m Pretty Rusty!

So I’m back racing again and the one thing I really noticed is that no matter what kind of shape you’re in, there is no substitute for racing.    THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE.  It’s hard for me to believe all the training and work I’ve done the past few months were sooooo good and then my racing is AVERAGE at best. I know I can change this around quickly.  One good thing about me is that I can make unnatural progression when I’m in the zone. I can shave off an enormous amount of time from one race to the next.  So I’ve decided to race and race and race until I get it right.  I’m old enough now not to get upset, although bothered by it, what on earth can I expect? I haven’t raced in 5 years! 

But running 2:06 for an 800m in November at 7300 feet, had me thinking I would come down and pick up where I left off.  So I’m thinking the only reason why it hasn’t, is because of the fact that I’m soooo RUSTY when it comes to crowds and racing ( I have a phobia to crowds, but I’ve never let it keep me from doing something I want to do..like going to a concert or sporting event). I actually don’t like people watching me run either.  Strange, right?  I better get over this quick…so far I have been.  Nothing racing can’t cure!

 

Getting My “Tires” Rotated- Maintenace NEEDED

So this week after adding the 9th plate on my leg press, I came to the conclusion that I needed to back off and get some maintenance.   I see a chiropractor, but I’m was looking for a specific kind and found Dr. Mruz.  Hey, he’s George Hincappie’s chiropractor (you know the Tour De France cyclist from Greenville, SC) ! I lucked out. He’s the guy the cyclists go to and I thought this guy will know what to do with me.  He also does Applied Kinesiology so I’m sure he can turn on some of those muscles that sometimes get shut off due to spinal subluxations and what not.

I go to see him on Thursday and honestly my hips are slightly rotated from all the damn straining and training. I have to show myself some love and get this fixed up. I think my biomechanics are off; however, I ran 16 x 200m today with a 100 jog between at 29 seconds a piece in 34 degree weather…so I can’t be THAT OFF. In fact, I got colder as the workout went on, but just ran smoother and faster all the way up until the last one. It was so good I thought about doing 30 of them and then thought I might be crazy, so I backed off.  DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE IN SHAPE! Did I mention I maxed out on cleans (on my legs) yesterday?!

 Those 3 months in Colorado Springs turned me into a beast. So I must race soon and hopefully if things work out, I’ll be racing this weekend. After this Lyme Disease death-bed-ordeal, nothing hurts anymore.  :)   Yikes, talk about a calloused body!  Is this why Lance Armstrong did so well after cancer? Did I get lucky getting sick? I guess I’ll find out soon enough, but from what my workouts indicate, I think so.

I’m going to see my Chinese medicine doctor tomorrow.  She’s amazing.  She knows everything about me before I even say a word and sometimes she makes me cry. She’ll say things like, “Perry you have tightness in your throat don’t you? You need to let go of what you’re trying to hold on to and I just want you to be aware of this issue so that you can let it go”….and she is always right each time!  And the she sticks me with a lot of needles and it hurts….but it works.  I’ll be exhausted from it like I got hit by a bus and then two days later I’m better than I ever was.  I wish she would travel to races with me.  She might be my secret weapon…my own zen master!

Honestly the beginning of this week has been an emotional drain. I was looking over my editor’s notes on my new book, The Tick Slayer, and it’s very hard to read what I wrote because I want so badly to close that chapter in my life.  I can’t edit it without getting upset all over again.  My best friend from high school shot himself the same year I got sick and the only time I regressed during treatment was when I found out.  But his death changed my own feelings about life in a positive way.  So it’s interesting to read, but for me, it’s really tough reading my own words about it.

Terrorized by Billy Bob “Police” in Manzanola

Being a young woman is difficult when traveling. Let’s take me driving back from Colorado this past weekend. I have lots of examples here.

I was driving through Manzanola, Colorado going back to South Carolina.  There is HWY 50 that is VERY rural and a few small towns dot this stretch. I was driving south a little to avoid the weather (snow and rain to the north).  I’m very aware of the Billy Bob cops catching speeders through these towns so I made a point to drive slower.

I pass Manzanola and I look in my rear view and I’m being chased by a guy with a Hilter mustache in a burgandy Ford Tauras (with a cracked windshield) and a blue light that looks like he purchased it at Spencer’s in the mall. Like I’m really going to stop for this joker! He has nothing else to indicate he’s the law. In fact, he pursues me down the road for 15 miles (or more) as I wouldn’t stop because I’m own a very rural road with hardly any passing cars!  He has no siren, no nothing. So I’m totally terrorized because I was paying attention to my speed and I know I wasn’t doing anything wrong (except driving down through this town)!

 I have heard about people faking to be cops to stop people and I started to feel like I was in a scene from the remake of Chainsaw Massacre with the crazy cop. I had to call 911 and report it. They ran a check on his tag and told me he was a Constable! Really?! Some of these fake cops are worse than actual criminals. They need very little (if any) training and they can run around with a gun stopping people.

I still wouldn’t stop and I drove to the next town (miles away) with him chasing me. I get to the police station at the next town and I go from being scared to being very angry. The worst part is that I can’t detox adrenaline well ( I had this tested-my liver enzymes were tested) so I basically become The Hulk when I’m scared or really angry.  Had I had a gun, it would of been in my lap ready to blast this fool. I was lightly armed however and VERY dangerous (unbenounced to this idiot).

He was so embarrased that he scared me (because I was standing outside my car as he pulled up and yelled at him, “You scared the shit out of me!” ) that he was going to just “give me a warning” and thought he was being nice by telling me there were plently of cops on the road (which he wasn’t actually one) so I should be careful..yeah I didn’t have any other problems the rest of the way (1400 miles of NO PROBLEMS). I asked him what I did. He was embarassed to tell me. “42 in a 35 coming into town” which means I wasn’t even IN town which was 35…which means he didn’t give me  chance to slow down. 

I should say not only did he not have a uniform, but I couldn’t even see a radar gun in his beat up car. He had some toy store looking badge on and these country western work boots. REALLY!???? You stopped me in this outfit?

Hey I know what really happened. Hot girl in a VW with out of state plates = opportunity to “hollar” at her and perhaps meet her. Let’s face it I didn’t see any truckers getting pulled over and I certainly don’t look like a criminial. He even asked me all these personal questions like “where I was going” and “what I was doing”…which is NONE of his business…but you could probably infere that perhaps I was DRIVING to SC for Christmas, STUPID.

He stilled asked me for my ID, probably so he could see if I was legal wedding age.

What a loser. One day he’s going to pull over someone and get blasted. This goes to all the guys who terrorize young women, one day your path will cross with someone like me and that will be the end of you.

This fake cop wasted time and resources.  IT took me 4 hours to calm down after the incident. I probably aged two years.

My parents told me just recently their waitress ( a very attractive tall blonde girl) was pulled over by a cop and was asked all these questions for no reason. The cop said her light was out and she went back to check it and it wasn’t out. When she proceeded to tell him it wasn’t out, he got upset and kept making her wait with him and then when she got upset, he arrested her (which cost her 600 bucks and a court date).  This happenend in some podunk town in South Carolina called Wahalla.  

Later on in Oklahoma I stopped to eat. My male waiter took the opportunity to hit on me. He sat down across me to take my order and then asked me who I was, where I was going and other personal questions.  Not only that, he had to tell me about the fact that his divorce was finalized and she had custody of his kids…like I was asking him!  It was beyond strange. It was creepy and gross.  I had to take my phone out and text like I was super enthralled with something else. I didn’t even enjoy my meal and I was starving and exhausted.

I’m not even going to tell you about the pedophile  looking old guy getting a sexual favor in his car in Armarillo…driving 5 under the speed limit in the SPEEDING LANE.  It reminds me of when I was 19 (driving back to college and passing this guy on the interstate in North Carolina mountains). It involved a creepy old man, a steering wheel and sex toy…that’s all I’m saying.

I’m getting a new gun this week.

**I’m writing this purely for entertainment reasons and obviously the fact that young women should be very careful. Sometimes it would just be easier to be a dude and that’s the truth.

Going Back To SC

I’m getting ready to go back to SC this week.  I probably need to do some serious resting for a little bit. I’m at the point where I don’t think I can really do much else up here. The weather is getting progressively worse and last week I was running in the snow.

Track workouts are stellar and yesterday I did a workout Coach Luiz Oliveria always had us do (back in 2004ish). I ran 4 x 400 with these plyos between each 400, so you’re resting a little..but not really. Unfortunately I had to barf after the last 400m. It’s hard doing these types of workouts at 7300 feet because REST isn’t REST at all when the air is thin. It takes oxygen to recover.   I was pleased with my times as they were VERY fast and it was VERY relaxed, until the acid built up in my legs and I couldn’t get rid of it. 

I just can’t believe sometimes how strong I am right now. I’m not saying I’m in race shape, but I’m healthy and if I can come down with nothing HURT or BROKEN and I’m not ILL, then I am really expecting some HUGE performances this year (HUGE by anyone’s standard).

I will come back to Colorado Springs once Worlds is over and keep training high for several more months and I’m honestly thinking about making this my residence. I’ve been a lot of places and I get bored easily…but I’m still not bored here (so that is REALLY suprising).

Ah back to the South where the boys wear pink polos, boat shoes, and croakies (so they can look “sporty” even though they aren’t)!  Fishing isn’t really a sport- FYI.  Neither is armchair Football.   Neither is pool or darts. Neither is GOLF (I will debate you anyday of the week about GOLF).  

Perry Fields POST workout- (notice how I'm not smiling)

Perry Fields POST workout- (notice how I'm not smiling)

While I was here in Colorado I was able to visit my cousins I haven’t seen in about 10 years. Thanksgiving was great. It’s always nice to have family around.

My Cousins

My Cousins

 

Collard Greens-  I DID THESE RIGHT! :)

Collard Greens- I DID THESE RIGHT! :)

MMA in Denver This Past Weekend

I always knew I was a player and not a spectator, but I never really realized how much until I went  to the Ring of Fire, MMA fight in Denver this past weekend. I don’t even fight (unless I’m provoked of course) and I was wanting to get in the cage. This is no joke. I always had a feeling I might be a fighter and honestly if I weren’t running, I think I probably would be.   I hope my mother doesn’t read this, I might not hear the end of it.  * MOM, I’m kidding, really..don’t read the rest of this post.

 

So the fighting thing is interesting. I think it’s a lot like racing. You really have to have heart to get into that cage, but you really have to have heart to step on that line and KNOW you’re getting ready to HURT. If I became a fighter, I’m SURE I’d be the most physically fit opponent.  Having a background in the 800m is probably the most hardcore “cardio” one can come from.  But do I really want to wrestle all of those manly girls? Do you have to be manly to fight? It was looking like softball up in there! The girls I saw fight …well the cornrows (if you’re white) isn’t looking real ladylike (not to say I look  or even act very ladylike when I’m training).  The cornrows reminds me of Axl Rose (of Guns and Roses) when he was trying to make his music comeback and he rocked out some cornrows….actually he lost all of his cool points with that.  He’s still trying to get those back, even till this very day. Sorry Axl, no worries, any guy who can make white leather pants cool (anytime in his lifetime) has a place in my heart.

 

Well I guess I have to take care of my running business first. I hate the fact that I’m actually considering MMA. This is so ridiculous. I hope this is a just a phase.  Maybe I’m just rearing to race and I had a hard time just sitting there being a spectator…I CAN’T DO IT! I was sitting there with a black/phython corset on and I was still ready to compete. :)

 

Speaking of running. Training is great..still. The snow is getting to be a problem the last few days. It was so cold here I had to run with a ski mask on and sunglasses. I was running through 4 inches of snow (which is a lot like running in sand) and since I was running in downtown Colorado Springs I happened to catch a few shoppers coming out of  stores. I thought they were going to wet themselves. I didn’t realize that I looked like a burglar (or a member of the IRA), but I had to keep my face from freezing.

 

****Lastly I want to give a shout out to Cameron Dollar (he trains here in Colorado Springs). I went to watch him fight this weekend and I have to admit  this dude has a lot of heart and I wish him the very best.  The first time I met him, he gave me a hug.  How many people do that?  I was expecting a handshake and some kind of dap (because I’m formal and yet slighty ghetto).  He’s either really sweet or he was checking to see how big my boobs were (I’m kidding!). 
 

Lost on Falcon Trail at Air Force

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do a long run with my marathoner friend on the Falcon Trail (13 miles) at the Air Force Academy.  This is the day after my race simulation 800m at the track the prior day (which left me on the track with my face down and people asking me if I was okay).  I figured running back to back days will be good for the rounds at major races, so I have been doing a lot of this since I’ve been up here in Colorado Springs.

The Falcon Trail IS really pretty; however, because it’s so cold here the snow in many places is slick due to the traffic on the trail and because it’ can’t fully melt. I had to run like a granny in many places as it just wasn’t worth the slip.

My only real concern while running were the enormous FRESH cougar tracks on the side of the trail…they obviously use the trail as well and while running, we would go for miles without seeing anyone. And of course my marathon friend was hammering away ahead of me, dragging my ass like a piece of dead drift wood in her wake so I was running alone in many places…with all of these enormous FRESH cougar tracks all around me.

There was really no reason for me to run 13 miles. It doesn’t serve any purpose.  Once we hit this paved road I knew I could take a short cut and run about 7 miles ( and I would be happy with that), but I kept going for some stupid reason.

Long story short: After 9-10 miles I decided to short cut across campus and ended up running about 15 miles! Might as well just run 11 more miles and have a marathon right?! It was awful. It was getting dark, my face was frozen, everything hurt and I had just enough clothes on to run 8 miles comfortably without freezing…so I ended up freezing (and cussing).

That will be the last time I ever run that far, unless I’m being chased or I’m getting paid six figures….

…. at least the cougars didn’t get me.